Eric Arthur Blair
Dec. 19th, 2006
10:15 am - today stuff
Wow, I'm really creative today...
Sick at home, sorta. Very tired, too much traveling lately, I realized I needed about 12 hours of sleep last night to ketchup (catsup?). My orange juice tastes like wine, that can't be good.
My lotto picks aren't winning me any condos or yachts. What the fuck do you do with a yacht anyway? Is it pronounced YAT, or Ya-CK-T. What's the verb? To Yacht?
Anyway. Still waiting for a new job / career offer to come through. My god it's like pulling teeth. They tell me they want me to start in Feb and yet they can't even make their internal processes work fast enough to pull it off. Hopefully it's because they are so busy and good at what they are doing...???
I have a ton more pictures to post, so much to do. I should just retire and work on pictures 24/7. But making a house payment is a cool goal too...
Dogs are on the sofa. kitty is in my lap laying across my arms as I type. It really isn't conducive to anything. But she's gorgous. And it is hard to turn a woman down when she is literaly laying in your lap wanting your attention.
Gotta find a portable tv. I love the part of christmas where you get to do nice things for people. We ought to expand that to two times a year.
Dec. 17th, 2006
10:30 pm - waikiki lithograph
Candice said that the waikiki photo made her think of a lithograph of the same thing. I don't know how I could make it a lithograph BUT, I was playing with it and came up with this, which is cool anyway...
01:37 am - iPod
Well, okay, it took me a while, but I got an iPod. The video with 80GB. I have a movie and 75 odd music files, I almost have used one whole GB. This is just too cool. Last year I got a PSP for travelling, and I must say I was a bit disappointed for a number of reasons. First I can't get the volume loud enough on a plane. Second, carrying the movies or swapping out memory cards is inconvenient. I would like the PSP screen on the iPod, but the iPod screen is fine.
As far as the iPod goes, it is great having all that disc space. I watched Capote on the way back from Michigan last week. And A bunch of old John Mellencamp videos. Too much fun. So I replaced a big case with videos and what not for my PSP with something that fits in my pocket.
I'm no big lover of small things, but in this case, esp for travel, you need something small that packs a lot.
Anyone want to buy a PSP and a half dozen movies?
01:29 am - diamond head
My postcard picture of diamond head
Dec. 12th, 2006
09:00 pm - prarie sky
just a little craziness from out of Michigan...
Dec. 9th, 2006
11:47 pm - poam
This is cross posted from elitistbastards.
I thought I was clever...
It was dark
The shadoes moved
The wind howled
The can clattered
I ran past the bus stop
Through the street
Up the stairs
Keys rattled in the door
Breathlessly I tossed the door open
to hide inside
It was dark
09:25 pm - oak creek
09:21 pm - oak creek
Kay, just a couple years, that's all. Probably every time I get burned by love, oh yeah, the SAME love.
I miss my friends here. I gotta fix that. Who want's to be my friend? Load up... check my interests out and then add me or something, I'll add you then we can talk about our perverted ways. I've been WAY too holed up for a while and missing the big wide world. Pretty much wanted to escape after the war (well MY participation, since it has no end). And now I want back in.
How come when I keep asking for horizontal ads, I get vertical ads?
Ok, welcome me back. Getting my clients back on line. I have a lot to say, so stand the fuck by.
Mar. 12th, 2004
08:21 pm - Lost in the Moment
Disconcerted - To be without concert/arrangement/predisposition
Disconnected - To be without a nexus, without a system/center
Discontented - To be without content/contentment/without a cover
Disconsoled - To be without a soul/purpose/essence/ To be without hope or consolation
To not exist beyond existence
Funny, I feel so very little. I realized yesterday how devoid of completion and mere happiness this year (+) has been. It is a pause and yet less than a pause. It is a pause after a silence which, when it returns, has no moment to return to.
I haven’t been happy or complete for over a year and, for me, the fatal part was that I was unhappy and incomplete before. I was probably on the verge of losing more, not finding more.
I have found a certain peace. The glass that seeks to be full finds contentment with emptiness. Which is its true state? Empty, it is full of potential. Full, its purpose is met – fulfilled, yet, now its potential is only disappointment, reversal, emptiness.
Is the glass half full or half empty? Or, is it merely content?
What is ever left for us? We seek a life whose purpose is to gradually fill, until, surprised, we find ourselves at that moment., full, brimming but in only half realization. The moment met, the potential fulfilled. Dreams of a lifetime realized in one moment – slightly out of sync.
Then the sadness. Realization that the potential has arrived but the moment is fleeting.
Is this all there is? Is there anything more?
Is this all there was?
The feeling wanes. The liquid slowly evaporates, leaving only the empty vessel behind. Facing, not potential and challenge, but the sadness that fulfillment did not fulfill and that the moment did not last.
Is that all there is? Is there anything more?
Is there something else?
Can the glass be content being a glass? Never chosen, never filled? Perpetually at the back of the cupboard? Being, just being? Without potential?
Is a woman only a mother? A vessel for children? A caretaker? Can she just be a woman?
What happens when we cease to dream and start to live? What happens when we stop living? Content with merely being alive.
What would happen if we let tomorrow be just like today?
We are born, we live, we die. Three moments.
Yet we seek to divide the moment of life. The moment is born, it lives and it dies. At what point does the moment cease to exist?
Three moments. We are born, we live and we die. Two of those moments we never realize.
Life then, is one moment. One continuous, glorious moment enjoyed fully between two moments. Or, is it a series of moments? So inconsequential that life itself is inconsequential. Life not lived. Not a beam of light bathing the room, but disparate particles, so quick so instantaneous that none of them at any moment can light a room.
For whom do we live the life? For others after us, or for ourselves? For others outside us, or for ourselves? Should we even live it for ourselves or just live it?
If I choose to live the moment I MUST redefine who I am. I must learn to enjoy the moment as it arrives. Not to find the meaning or the math or the rhythm, but taking it as it comes. The opera, not the notes. Find the pattern by not looking for the pattern.
God cannot be jesus. God cannot be the judge of moments/feelings/thoughts. There cannot be a god of Abraham, of moses, or mohammed. God cannot be caught or exist in a stream of moments.
God can only be all of us. All existence without judgement. To find the pattern, to dissemble, dissociate, dissolve, discover, to deconstruct – THOSE are human traits. To find the hidden meaning – to search for the hidden meaning, is to miss the meaning and the moment.
God never saw the seed, nor the tree – God was making the forest. To have a forest you need the tree. For one forest you need a million trees, for one tree a hundred seeds. God can afford to lose the details. God is not IN the details. God is not in the paint, or the dye or the oil. God is in the painting, the feeling, the thought. God is in the million moments that created the one moment of the painting.
We are lost.
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